Ultrasound and the great gender mystery...

So, we had the ultrasound on Monday and it was truly AMAZING! The Bean was moving around like crazy and we got to see it all. The tech measured the baby's head and belly and with a bunch of measurements determined that Bean is 5 days more developed than what the due date suggests. Also, determined that Bean weighs 8ounces already....my baby weighs half a pound...Already? I am thinking we won't need any newborn sized stuff after all.
We also found out the Bean's gender but aren't telling everyone until after Christmas.
(It's part of my FIL's gift to be the first besides the LOML & I to know)
People keep trying to get us to "spill the Bean" to quote my MIL but we haven't yet.
That's part of the reason I haven't blogged about it yet. It's hard not to say Bean's real name, now that I know it. I find myself starting to type gender specific pronouns,and have to stop. I will re-read this about 50 times before I post it, just to make sure that I didn't let it slip at all.
We did pick up an outfit to bring Bean home from the hospital in and are super excited to be able to call Bean by what will be its name.
May seems ages away but my belly feels more taut everyday. Can't wait yet still so much to do.
Love my little....Bean!
:)
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Note to self: don't research baby stuff right before bed

So, I have had insomnia for years, and now with my husband working nights and wanting me to nap with him, I have been having a hard time getting to sleep. So, sometimes I read, or blog, or write in Bean's journal. But when I do baby-centric stuff, I find I get too excited to sleep afterward. Reading up on breast feeding makes me so excited to hold and nurture my baby I become like a kid on Christmas Eve or the first day of school.
The other night I was imagining up to the first day of high school for cryin' out loud!
Can't help it, and the closer the ultrasound gets, the more excited I get.
We are now only 3 days away from the ultrasound! Which is probably part of the reason I am still up.
Today though something fairly amazing happened, I was laying on the daybed and the LOML came over and was talking to my tummy/the Bean and I felt something, kind of like how soda feels on the roof of your mouth, except in my lower abdomen. I was amazed then thought it may have been nothing, then he talked to my tummy again and it happened again. (Like 5 times) so, I felt the baby move and it was awesome!
Super excited and can't sleep again.
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

I have become such a girl!

Don't get me wrong I have no problem with women who are "girls girls". I have just never been one myself, and so to suddenly get all weepy over things that pre-pregnancy I wouldn't have thought twice about is strange for me.
Need examples? I have a plethora of them.
The other day, I caught the last 10 minutes of a romantic comedy (I don't even know what the name of it was, and have never seen it before...) not having invested anytime in the characters I should be completely unaffected by their getting together or not...right? Pre-pregnancy, I probably would have just kept flipping the channel to begin with but now? Oh yeah I cried, didn't even get the reference to earlier parts of the movie, still cried.
My husband will say something to me that he has said 5,000 times before (pre-pregnancy, I may have even laughed every time.) now,for some reason, the floodgates open.
And it's not just weepiness either, I have been getting aggravated way more easily too. Like people on Reddit make me want to break things, and I got so frustrated with my phone while trying to post the last blog post that I ended up with both! Simultaneously tearing up in frustration and wanting to hurl my phone out of the window.
I am going to blame the hormones and let it go at that.
As for the Bean?
4-5 inches long and weighing up to 5 ounces, and the tiny bones in the ears are in place which means Bean can hear us, yes we've been talking to my tummy. In just about 8 days we get our next ultrasound and we will get another one around the new year. We also need to get an updated schedule for birthing classes, we are taking them in February, I believe.
We are super excited, if you can't tell.
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Fat lady encouraged to put on weight, weirdest feeling ever.

Okay,Monday I had my appointment with one of the nurse midwives, and she said I had put back on some of the weight I had lost in the first trimester. She also didn't seem terribly concerned about the weight loss to begin with. The other questions I had for her were about a minor cardiac issue I have on occasion and the amount of dizziness I am experiencing. (need to let them know if I have another "episode" I guess we will call it, but unless there is chest pain or any heart attack symptoms she isn't worried and said it shouldn't effect the Bean.) The dizziness is normal, my body still doesn't have all of the blood which it has been making space for...
Now, that was Monday, today (Thursday) I had to go in for a "weight check" for WIC. If you are unfamiliar with WIC, it stands for Women Infants and Children and is a program through the FDA to encourage good prenatal and early childhood nutrition. IT IS NOT FOODSTAMPS, NOR IS IT GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIZED.
Anyway I had to go in for a "weight check" today because I dropped 12 pounds during the first trimester and so they want to make sure I start gaining or at least maintaining weight.
Now, if you haven't been heavy (there's a word that won't make everyone uncozy, unlike the f-word which I put in the title of this post f*t)anyway I am not sure you can grasp how very strange this is to be told. I have been big my whole life. Not always as big as I am now but always obese. This is the first time in my life that I stepped up onto a Dr's scale and had someone a bit disappointed that I lost a few ounces. I don't know quite how to react. I know I actually do need to eat more often, have only been having about two meals and maybe one snack everyday but, need to start feeding the Bean more often than that. So I may just have to switch to a bunch of little meals, or grazing as my ex-mil used to call it. Feed the Bean every few hours. I think the strangest part is that I have been losing weight but my tummy is getting bigger. (the LOML, keeps laughing at me when I say this and just replies with a matter of fact, "because you're PREGNANT".)
I have also been dealing with hormones that are through the roof but as I am posting from my phone again, and as it isn't being cooperative, I will post about that another time.
Ciao for now ~
marymontama
(please be understanding of typos until I can correct them, as I said my phone is being less than cooperative)
Typos fixed, thanks for your understanding.

T minus 20 and counting...

So, in 20 days we get our next ultrasound and get to see for sure that everything is okay in there. We have an appointment next week where we should get to hear the heartbeat again too.
I can't wait to see how much the Bean has changed since the first ultrasound, 5 weeks ago...by that point 8 weeks. I am sure it will be crazy, considering the rapid growth rate.
And am still waiting, none too patiently to feel the baby move. (I will feel better when I have regular reminders that everything is going okay in there.)
I am pretty excited about being in my second trimester and past the nausea crap! Now if I can shake this cold I can get some serious packing etc done. (Wish me luck)
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Oh yeah and Bean is about the size of a large navel orange this week.

will post once a week from now on. (at least)

So, I am trying to do this from my phone;and let's face it I should probably be Amish with how much I know about technology so please be patient with me.
I am going to make sure to post at least once a week from now on. I just feel like there isn't much new to say. I am starting to show a little bit which makes me happy. I also have gotten past nausea which makes me ecstatic,,and hungry. Trying to control what choices I make. Since
I have to go into the clinic for a weight check the week after next, because they thought I was losing too much during the first trimester we shall see.
Can't wait to find out the gender so we can start calling Bean by a proper name. And so we can start picking up clothes :-).
Tiny screen is hard to handle so I
think that's all for now.
Ciao for now
~marymontama

Been lax

Sorry for being so lax in the blogging lately. A lot has been going on lately.
I have been experiencing random bouts of emotional overload. The LOML has been snapped at far more often than he deserves. I have felt more lonely than I have in years. This is strange for me, I have experienced random bouts of sadness my whole life but I have been so moved by things lately I weep openly. I was crying at an episode of Criminal Minds tonight....
So what about the Bean?
We are working on week 13, and hoping that by the week after next nausea will be a thing of the past. The Bean is the size of a peach now and soon to be just as fuzzy:).
Our next appointment is Dec. 3rd, and the next ultrasound is the 17th. (so excited to see all the work Bean has been doing in there.)
According to all of the books and sites by Christmas I should experience quickening, (as a fan of the Highlander films this cracked me up when I first heard the term) feeling the baby moving. That and there should be more surprises around that time. :)
I guess that's all for now...short and sweet, just like the Bean!
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Knowledge is power

Today we had a breast feeding class to learn about what lactation support is available, how to get started etc...
Pretty far in advance for us, as we are 29 weeks away from our estimated date of delivery but got us both super excited. I can't wait until Bean gets here, I have been excited up til now but am so anxious to meet our new family member, it is almost ridiculous.
It's kind of all I want to talk about...but I know how annoying that would be. But I can talk to the LOML about it because he's super excited too. So we do talk about it, quite a bit.
I was pretty surprised today to discover that a lot of the other women in the class didn't plan on breast feeding. It blew my mind. And when the lactation nurse leading the class asked for reasons only one woman spoke up and said she wasn't comfortable with the idea of doing it in front of other people. The lactation nurse assured her that you can feed very discreetly and that some places have lactation stations for nursing moms. She seemed unswayed on the issue. Granted later she asked if it was going to be okay to breast feed because she was a smoker who has no intention of quitting. Luckily this was at the end of class so I could leave the room.
Okay, so for some reason you think breast feeding is "unnatural" (seriously the phrase she used) but smoking during pregnancy is definitely what nature intended?! Ugh. I mean I know we as a society have sexualized the breasts but honestly people their sole reason for being is to make milk to feed babies...what could be more natural than using them for what they are made for?
Oh well, enough of my soapbox, I have a sleep study to take part in.
Goodnight all.
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Plum amazing!!

Okay, so the pun title may be a bit much but my little Bean is about the size of a plum at this point. 2.5 inches long and weighs about half a pound...that's like 1000 times the size they started at. Pretty cool huh? I think so.
As of tomorrow I will be 12 weeks! (already?!) almost time for second trimester which I am really hoping lives up to the hype, this nausea and lack of appetite is for the birds... At the Dr.'s appointment today I found out that I have lost 10 pounds since about 2 weeks before we found out I am pregnant. (not a major concern since I am obese and they only want me to gain 10-15lbs for the pregnancy but still)
Speaking of the Dr.'s appointment, we got to hear the heartbeat again today, and will again at our next appointment, Dec.3rd! Still the most amazing little hummingbird like noise ever!
My wonderful MIL is convinced that it is a girl because the heartbeat is 170per minute and somebody told her that a fast heart rate means a girl.(two different medical professionals have made it clear to me that this is a wives tale...) She has already started calling Bean her baby girl, and K.C., which is the nickname she has chosen for Bean if it's a girl; (her name will be Kathleen Carmella Montgomery, James and I are going to call her Kat, if it's a girl) if it's a boy, which it still could be, heartbeats per minute or not, his name will be Samuel Hugh Montgomery. Either way this kid is in for a world of love!
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Genetic testing Yes/No

Upon reviewing the risks/benefits on these we have determined we are willing to do the quad screen (just a blood test for me) but nothing else.
For those of you who aren't familiar with this stuff let me explain:
As I am an older mom they are concerned with my chances for chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus (the older your eggs are the more degraded they can be).
Here is the chart all the sights are so keen on
 Maternal Age Related Risks

Mom's Age     Risk for trisomy 21      Risk for all trisomies
20                       1 in 1,667                        1 in 526
21                       1 in 1,429                        1 in 526
22                       1 in 1,429                        1 in 500
23                       1 in 1,429                        1 in 500
24                       1 in 1,250                        1 in 476
25                       1 in 1,250                        1 in 476
26                       1 in 1,176                        1 in 476
27                       1 in 1,111                        1 in 455
28                       1 in 1,053                        1 in 435
29                       1 in 1,000                        1 in 417
30                       1 in 952                           1 in 384
31                       1 in 909                           1 in 384
32                       1 in 769                          1 in 323
33                       1 in 625                          1 in 286
34                       1 in 500                          1 in 238
35                       1 in 385                          1 in 192
36                       1 in 294                          1 in 156
37                       1 in 227                          1 in 127
38                       1 in 175                          1 in 102
39                       1 in 137                          1 in 83
40                       1 in 106                          1 in 66
41                       1 in 82                            1 in 53
42                       1 in 64                            1 in 42
43                       1 in 50                            1 in 33
44                       1 in 38                            1 in 26
45                       1 in 30                            1 in 21
46                       1 in 23                            1 in 16
47                       1 in 18                            1 in 13
48                       1 in 14                           1 in 10
49                       1 in 11                            1 in 8

 

Now, keep in mind early screening generally focuses on Trisomy 21, more commonly known as Down's Syndrome. We aren't worried about Down's, in my experience in life extra chromosome=extra awesome. What does concern us are the other trisomies which are "incompatible with life"

The question then becomes what do you do if the initial screening comes back positive for one of the trisomies? You have options of other tests. They all do however pose a threat, however minor to the fetus. So, when you have already been informed that your pregnancy is pseudo high risk (because of your age and what can come of that fact alone) you aren't willing to take too many other chances. 

The two main tests, both of which are pretty invasive (from the Bean's perspective):

CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling): Where they take a sample from where the placenta meets the uterine wall.
This is done between the 10th and 13th week of pregnancy. (Why is that important, because it is before the major risk of miscarriage has past. And while the odds of miscarriage are only 1 in 100 but since my chances of conceiving naturally were about 52% I don't listen to odds too much) Some studies have also shown a link between CVS and babies born with missing fingerprints or toes, not a big deal but why do it if it isn't absolutely necessary?

Amniocentesis: I think most people are familiar with this one BIG freakin' needle through the abdomen (guided by ultrasound of course) to obtain amniotic fluid from the placenta. So...they have been doing this one for decades, why worry....because it is no safer today then it was 20 years ago. There is still increased risk of uterine infection, miscarriage, leaking amniotic fluid, and Rh sensitization (which may or may not be a factor for us.) And that doesn't even take into account if your little one is a squirmer, while the chances of for serious needle injury are rare they do still exist. 

So we have decided that we will not proceed beyond the quad screening which will be done at about 16-18 weeks. We are only doing that one because there is no risk to the Bean and it will put the midwife's mind at ease.

So while I understand some people's desire to know ahead of time etc...It doesn't really matter to us. Bean has so much to teach us regardless of how any test comes out, so yeah I won't risk the health of my baby or pregnancy on a test, which isn't foolproof anyway.

Ciao for now~
marymontmama

 

 

a

Guest Post: SOME...ONES...GO...NNA...SEEDABABY

Hey everybody, James here, the other half of this baby making team. Anyone who knows me (or is my friend on facebook for that matter) can tell you how excited I am for this baby... for our little Bean. Today, that excitement increased a hundred fold for two simple reasons.

1. We saw the baby on the ultrasound.

Bean had its back to us, but the little blob we saw on the screen was definitely a forming baby, with a head end, a rear end, and little arm and leg buds.

2. We heard a little heartbeat.

Well, not so little. 170 beats per minute.

As I heard the sound of our baby's heartbeat for the first time, I was overwhelmed. It was suddenly more real to me. There was a baby there. A living Bean (see what I did there) that I had a part in creating. A new life that I'm going to have the privilege of helping to raise from the day it is born. First cry, first laugh, first tooth, first steps... and that's just the beginning of the list.

This is something I've known that I've wanted for a LONG time and was getting to the point where I was wondering if it was ever going to truly happen. We'd been trying for over a year less than successfully, and I was starting to resign myself to the fact that we were going to have to be the best aunt and uncle ever... which we still plan to be, but this is a different league entirely.

We are now (and have been for exactly nine weeks) responsible for the safe upbringing of a child. BEST JOB EVER. I can't wait.

-James

How can we blog while our earth is turning

Sorry, if I just got that magnificent Midnight Oil song stuck in your head, (although it is an amazing song so maybe you should just suck it up and keep humming it while you read.)
Anyway, this week has been the week of spinning apartments. On Tuesday I was doing the dishes (I have no dishwasher so I have to fill a sink with very hot water and wash them by hand) so apparently when you are pregnant you are supposed to avoid two things (especially once you are past 8 weeks) getting too hot and standing for long periods. The oven next to me was preheating for dinner so...I had succeeded in making my kitchen about 35 degrees warmer than was really comfy for me and proceeded to stand doing the dishes. Only had a few more so when I started feeling light headed, and normally would have taken a short break till I felt okay again, I kept going and..... nearly fainted?! WHAT?! From doing the stupid dishes?! Looked it up in all my books and on my trusted websites and yup, that combo is perfect for making one so dizzy they faint. Apparently the progesterone which is making me nauseated, giving me heartburn, making me feel like I have African Sleeping Sickness, and making me kind of achy all over, also has the effect of stretching the lining of blood vessels effectively decreasing your blood pressure (which will be very important next month when I am carrying around about .25 more blood but for now...)
So, why does that make me dizzy, and nearly faint (I am not the kind of woman who is cozy with the idea of swooning)?
Because it makes it harder to get blood all the way up to your head when you are standing for a long time. (and since the head is where the brain goes, it's kind of important that it gets the blood flow it needs. If it isn't, your body WILL take extreme measures to ensure it does ie; forcing you into a prone position which is far more conducive to blood flowing to the brain. fainting)
Now, I didn't actually faint, but my ears were ringing there was a blurry ring around my vision and I listed my way to a chair where I put my head as close to between my knees as a fat lady can manage. Then I researched the dizziness. At first lifting my head off the back of the chair made the entire apartment feel like it was flipping upside down. Once it got better, I followed the advice of the sites I had checked and laid on my left side (easiest for the heart to distribute blood throughout the body) and waited for it to pass. Luckily the LOML finished the dishes for me (I was so mad cause there were only two left when I had to give up) but it has taken it's toll and I have found out that dizziness (more so then what comes naturally to me) is my new normal for now. Trying to deal with it and still live life is kind of interesting. It means I have to take frequent breaks when doing the dishes and can't take showers that are too long.
Anyway only 4 days until we see the Bean! (who is actually the size of a green olive right now, our own little Thumbellina or Tom Thumb)
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Neato

A couple of things, actually from today and yesterday (besides the excitement over the first appointment and the ultrasound next week):
I found something in an old journal which made me laugh out loud. If the baby does come around it's due date, specifically if it is born on May 29th...it will be born exactly 20 years after I graduated from high school. (in case you didn't know it before now...37 is a bit older) I thought that was neat though.
The other thing is that we got accepted for the birthweight study. We are both super excited about that! (come on, we get a free 3D ultra sound picture of the Bean!!!!)
We discussed genetic testing yesterday with the nurse midwife, and will need to do more research. Our only concern is there are some chromosomal disorders which are "not compatible with life" meaning the baby will definitely be stillborn...or will not live past birth if they are a live birth... that is a discussion for another day though...today we will focus on excitement and cool things.
Today marks the entrance into week 9 (probably)~ cue Pomp and Circumstance, Bean has graduated from embryo to fetus! (they grow up so fast, sniff, sniff) And while it will be about 2 months before I can feel it, the Bean is moving around (just as fidgety as daddy already, I am sure...we are bound to have a wiggler).
Mood swings have been pretty bad this past week. (No Danielle, I am not going back on the antidepressants) Which according to all the literature is perfectly normal, my hormones are going through a major surge right now putting the finishing touches on the placenta etc. (who knew I was being so productive while the dishes are currently piling up again in my sink...ugh)
Well, I think that is all for today folks.
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Super excited

Next week we are getting an ultrasound to get a better idea where we are in our pregnancy. Which means just one week til we get to see Bean for the first time! Can't wait! They say we can bring a recordable DVD and will have a copy of it! So expect footage to be uploaded as soon as we get home that day, probably.
As for the first meeting with the nurse midwife...she is AWESOME! And has assured me that everyone else in the practice is as well so no matter whom I deal with during prenatal care or labor they are all very midwifery centered and so I can put my mind at ease.
Felt quite a bit better today as far as morning sickness but probably shouldn't jinx myself by saying that.
Very tired now (been exhausted today) going to try to sleep so I can be up tomorrow.

Side effects may include.....

So here's the thing, as soon as I thought I might be pregnant I stopped taking the antidepressant which I have been on for about 10 years. What are the side effects of stopping said medication? Which they call "discontinuation syndrome" because calling it withdrawal makes it sound as if you can develop a dependency on these drugs...which you can but whatever. Anyway the side effects of going off of them...wait for it.....
-dizziness
-nausea
-fatigue
-breast tenderness
Sound familiar to anyone else? Also of course there are mood swings and unexplained bouts of weeping....yeah so basically I have been experiencing pregnancy squared. Which is fine because the withdrawal symptoms should begin fading soon, then I will just have pregnancy symptoms from there on out.
It does help explain why there are days where getting showered and dressed makes me feel like I need a nap.
According to most of the research I have done, I only have about 2 more weeks of withdrawal symptoms, and hopefully (if I fall into the "average" category) I will be out of the woods as far as that goes.
Got a lot to get done in very little time coming up here and I'm not going to lie I am not entirely thrilled about that but...sometimes you just have to suck it up and push through.
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Week 8 begins?

So, there has been a tad bit of confusion cast on estimated due date since we first started this adventure. For now we are assuming the estimated is right. (or as correct as it can be) but neither of us will be terribly surprised to find that we are almost three weeks further along than originally believed.
Our first appointment with an OB nurse to do the blood tests, medical history etc is scheduled for Monday October 15th, and we are both extremely excited! We are also looking into participating in an area research study which would mean more ultra sounds etc, we would get a free 3d image if the baby!!! (not to mention a car seat and the chance to help other first time moms to have a better chance of healthy outcomes). Hopefully we will be approved :)!
Beyond that, the people whom we dealt with for the financial aspects of the process today were WONDERFUL! Can't believe how drastically different today's experience was from last time.
This may not be as bad as I first thought, however we shall see when we get back to the medical side of things. (fingers crossed though. Maybe the people we encountered the first day just hate their jobs and that's why they were so brusque etc)
All in all I am so excited for Monday, it isn't even funny. Having trouble sleeping lately because I am so excited!
Almost forgot;Bean will be working on a more refined face (upper lip, tip of nose, eyelids) fingers and toes becoming more differentiated and Bean's heart is starting to beat at 150 beats per minute.

TMI ALERT

Okay, so if you are just a friend reading or family member trying to keep up with the progress of the Bean long distance this post may be a tad bit too much information for you. It is about body stuff and things they don't tell you about even when they tell you that they are telling you what to expect when you are expecting (which is a great resource but nothing covers everything and there are just some things that are kinda icky.)

So, consider yourself warned, that you may want to skip this one if you're somewhat squeamish or just don't want to know what all is going on down there.

Alright, now that that is out of the way, let's talk hair first. (I will ease you into this) Everyone talks about how long your hair and nails will grow because of pregnancy hormones and the nourishment from the prenatal vitamins. I don't know if you all made the mental leap but I had no idea I would be having to shave EVERYDAY to keep from being a Sasquatch. Not to mention the plucking....ugh. Yeah fast growing hair is great and all, if it stays on your head, but lately I feel like I need a machete to cut through my armpit hair each day. (okay, maybe it isn't that bad but to have noticeable hair growth the day after you shaved is disconcerting.) But technically, the whole hair growing faster thing wasn't omitted, they just rarely specifically mention that it means more shaving, plucking, or waxing.

Secondly, and this one was fairly (and continues to be fairly upsetting to me) there will be times where your cervical mucus (which has and will continue to increase) will be colors that immediately send up flares. Not that I am inspecting it under a microscope but you notice these things. Pink was the first worrying one, I get this usually every month before I get my period. Two days before I have pink CM, and the other day I had some which was very similarly colored. I expressed the concern to my beloved hub and told him that I would research it and let him know if it was anything we needed to worry about. He of course being the wonderful little problem solver that he is, immediately responded with a link: http://www.pinkdischarge.net/pink-discharge-in-early-pregnancy-is-it-a-usual-thing-or-a-reason-to-make-panic/ 
Did I mention that he is the best husband in the history of husbands?
Anyway, today I had brownish which again, unless it is accompanied other symptoms I try not to worry.
And before you all go trying to assuage my fears because all pregnant woman worry in the first trimester about losing the baby, I am not an idiot. I am aware that everyone has concerns and I know it is best for the baby if I try to relax and not get all stressed out. I am not saying that I am pacing the floor wringing my hands over it, but it's always there at the back of my mind. My mom and my sister both had very worrisome issues with their first pregnancies. (for that matter so did my dad's mom when she was carrying him)
For a long time my mom thought she might have been carrying twins and lost one of them. My sister actually went to the clinic and they told her she had miscarried until they did the ultrasound to make sure it was complete and they weren't going to have to do a DNC, and they could see my nephew's heart beating. So, the fears aren't completely unfounded, and I am also 37 years old, which also raises the risks. But yeah I know, relax it will be fine.

Hot then cold then hot then cold then hot then cold......ugh. Nobody mentioned that you get hot flashes during pregnancy (unless of course I am going through pre-menopause simultaneously BITE YOUR TONGUE!) Or at least very erratic temperature swings. One second I am burning up, then I am shivering then I have to open the window, then I need a blanket.

"You may experience increased flatulence"  Translation, you are going to feel like you ate nothing but refried beans for days on end. (my poor husband)

And lastly I never read about it but had heard many tales of pregnancy dreams. (these are stranger than any other kind of dream I have ever experienced...and I have had some weird dreams) Even before we knew for sure that I was pregnant I had two and one was a doozey. I dreamed I had six babies (SIX) and was trying to feed them all, and in the dream it of course made sense to me to use my lymph nodes in my armpits as well as my breasts, cause then I could feed 4 at one time. So, I had one under each arm and one on each breast. (yeah, this dream is really when I started to think...we might be pregnant) I have had other weird baby dreams since then of course and just strange dreams in general but I usually have weird dreams every now and then but lately they are all strange and mostly baby related.

That is all the bodily function stuff I think I can handle sharing for one night. I am sure there will be more stuff they won't warn me about that's gross later on in pregnancy too; and I will share it then.
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

Disparity of care?

I remember reading "Nickel and Dimed" By Barbara Ehrenreich, I remember feeling like it was a good attempt but I got so angry at her. She spent so much time in that book talking about how surprised she was that the working poor weren't dumb. How elitist and offensive! Yep, some of us don't catch the breaks others do, and some of us make poor decisions when we are young which have lasting repercussions. And before you go preaching at me with that "Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" crap keep in mind that I have worked 20 hour days at points in my life. I am a very hard worker, and have a strong work ethic. I however was born into a lower middle class (I am being generous there) family and wasn't ever taught how to handle money. When my dad left I was in a single parent home and learned how to rob Peter to pay Paul but not much else about finances than that, other than when you can't afford oil to heat the house in winter, you make sure the electric is paid so you can get dressed in front of an open electric stove so you don't freeze, and so you can boil water to bathe. 
When I graduated from High School my mom swore I would get to graduate from college...and I had every intention of doing so. We were going to move when I was 19 and at the beginning of my Sophomore year so I decided to drop out of school until I could establish residency in Maine (the state we were moving to) and start school again up there. Two months after I dropped out my mother was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer and given 3 months to live. (she died about 9 weeks later)  I was not going to be able to get enough financial aid to be a resident student. So, into the workforce I went and as someone who had no vocational training and had only worked at a Christian camp every summer I didn't have much experience.
I started working at the children's clothing store my sister had gotten a job at while I was working at Oceanwood (the Christian camp) for what I believed would be my last summer doing so. Thus began my illustrious retail career. (if you have never worked retail....count yourself lucky, it will make you lose your faith in humanity)
And without a degree there are very few roads open to you in this day and age. (it may not have been so in the past but when you have 9 college graduates applying for a position and one high school grad with "some college" generally there will be a bias toward the degree holders, and if not it is just so they can pay the other person less and how exactly does THAT help?)
What does this have to do with the Bean you ask? Glad you asked, I have a tendency to go off on tangents at times.
I currently have no health insurance, and am applying for Medicaid to get me through prenatal care and delivery, and I am noticing a real difference in the quality of care which those in lower income brackets and those in higher experience. Bitch all you want about Obama care but I think if it can improve the quality of care for pregnant women and working families it gets two thumbs up from me. 
I haven't even met my nurse midwife yet, don't know who it will be or when my first appointment with her (please let it be a her) will be...why because I have to be financially processed first. Yup, it's more important that everyone knows how they are getting their money than it is to actually check to see if I am perhaps experiencing an ectopic pregnancy or if I have Rh factor issues (which are known in my family). 
It is frustrating to feel like your baby's health doesn't matter to healthcare providers, because of your tax bracket. I have had wonderful insurance through a few of the companies I have worked with in my adult life and let me tell you, you haven't experienced being treated like a second class citizen until you have been shuffled like so much cattle through a process which in any other doctor's office would have been joyful and congratulatory, and immediately followed up with a follow up appointment. Not so much here, here you don't get to even find out when you are first meeting with your nurse midwife (or doctor, or whomever can see you that day) until your financial advisor sets it up after your medicaid appointment. I was led to believe this is how it is going to go throughout the pregnancy so you don't know who will deliver your baby until you go into labor, and if you didn't like this particular Dr. or want a Dr. at all (which I don't) too bad, you are lucky the state is paying for this at all. (The state by the way which I have been paying into for 20years a large chunk of my weekly/biweekly pay) 
It is so frustrating when people approach me with, "oh I have an OB you would love" or "have you decided where you are going to have the baby?" "Are you doing a birthing center or hospital?" etc... I don't get a say, the poor don't get a say in what happens to them or their bodies, so yeah I support the HECK out of Obama care if it means that the poorer members of our society can stop being treated like some kind of freakin burden and start being treated like people again!
rant over gotta go pee for the 900th time today.
Ciao for now~
marymontmama

He said, she said, they said, you said....

So many differing opinions on so many different aspects of pregnancy oh my gosh!!!!!
I know that not everything you find on the Internet is true, but different reputable resources contradicting each other is frustrating. I get that everyone has a different system of measuring where you are in your pregnancy and that's fine, I am only concerned with what my nurse midwife says as far as when my appointments will need to be etc. But to have drastically varying lists of what pregnant women should avoid and what they are okay to have is a bit concerning.
And I am not just talking Wikipedia or some other (in my opinion fairly unreliably source) I am talking about the Mayo Clinic's website versus the American Pregnancy Association, versus Parenting Magazine etc...
Doing one search on the safety of certain cheeses, one site said all cheese in the US is safe as long as it is pasteurized, another said that hard cheeses are safe, but only if they are brought to a boil, and the other said that you should avoid all soft cheese and make sure all hard cheeses have been aged at least 60 days..... Okay being a person who has a possibly unnatural, adoration of cheese, this is a BIG deal! What the heck?! Most sites agreed that hard cheese is okay, as it is less likely to contain Listeria (the bacteria which can cause illness which can lead to birth defects and possible miscarriage.) However, what constitutes a hard cheese? Parmesan, Romano, Asiago, are obviously hard cheese but the Mayo Clinic's site only lists 8 cheeses as soft cheeses which should be avoided. (but then the site says if it is clearly labelled as pasteurized then it is okay.) What the heck?! And heaven forbid you want to know which herbs are and aren't safe...the only ones they all agree on are Pennyroyal, and black and blue Cohosh which are basically herbal abortificants. I saw one site that said Ginger root was dangerous for pregnant women...yeah ginger root, the natural way everyone recommends pregnant women fight the nausea of morning sickness...
So what to do? Who to believe? What do I take with a grain of salt (although not too much salt as it increases the risk of gestational hypertension)
Who knows, I am just doing the best I can, not taking ANY herbal supplements, or drinking herbal teas (at least until after the second trimester begins) and will discuss anything I am truly concerned about with my nurse midwife. That simple, until I know it's okay I am not going to risk it, so any of the 8 or so cheeses on the Mayo Clinic list are off my shopping list and can probably remain so until after I am done breast feeding. (not too much of a sacrifice for Bean I think.)
I understand most of the people reading this are probably currently insured and not doing too badly financially, so are probably wondering why I don't just ask my OB. But as someone who lost her job in July and is currently waiting to see what is possible to do for prenatal care (yup I am talking government aid and before anyone DARES bitch about it make sure you know that I have been paying MY hard earned money into that system for over 20 years now!) you should understand that I have yet to even meet my nurse midwife. (but that is for another day's blog...perhaps tomorrow?)

Didn't I just eat yesterday?

Surprising to me, who has always been a fat girl, is the lack of hunger.  The first 3 weeks I wanted to eat EVERYTHING, and no not crayons...people see stuff about pregnant women getting Pica on Oprah and suddenly think that all mommies to be are gobbling Crayolas. I just mean I was hungry all the time, my hub and I would finish a meal which would normally make me want to swear off food for a week and I would look at him and say; you want to get ice cream on the way home? (his jaw would drop, "how could you want more food") I assumed it was just the stage of my normal cycle where I want to EAT ALL THE THINGS! But as the date came closer it didn't fade like it normally does. But when it faded...whew did it fade.
I have morning sickness (just in case you haven't read any pregnancy books or haven't experienced a pregnancy with someone in your life please note, the name is a big fat lie! I suppose some women only have it in the morning and then it kindly leaves for the rest of the day. I however find I am kind of oogey (that is the technical term, look it up) from the moment I get up until I lay back down.  I haven't actually thrown up from the nausea, as I am not prone to vomiting, but wonder if it wouldn't be better if I were. Don't you usually feel better after you toss your cookies when you are feeling yucky?
Anyway, getting in my allotment of calories, protein, etc is increasingly difficult to do. So I have tried to find ways around the food issue. I have been doing yogurt (wish I could do the drinkable but the texture has always been a HUGE turn off for me), Slim Fast shakes (huge amounts of the minerals etc you need plus the added calcium/protein from the milk. When I need more calcium I use Almond Breeze Original, when I need more protein 1% milk.) and Decaf Chai made with hot milk (check the label on your Chai, if it doesn't list the spices it contains stay away from it, many contain Chinese anise which is a huge no no for pregnant ladies. Mine has ginger root so has the added benefit of calming my nausea a bit. Also, the warm milk releases Tryptophan which is a natural relaxant, so insomnia be gone!)
I also would like to start trying smoothies with fresh or frozen fruit, yogurt, milk and protein powder...could work. I love me some Odwalla, so homemade has to be okay right?
Obviously, I can't just live on these items (nor feed the Bean properly on them), but they help me to at least get closer to where I am supposed to be to build a better Bean.
So what is the Bean doing this week (technically my sixth, although I don't know how they can count preconception as part of pregnancy...but they do so...) Bean is making faces...well hopefully just one, the jaw is starting to shape as are the eye sockets, nose, ears...also making kidneys, liver, and lungs so yeah, I would say Amino Acids are high on the list of must haves. Much protein and iron this week, may have to look into an iron supplement as my Prenatal is pretty wussy in that department. Although the Slim Fast helped out there a bit yesterday. Really need to find a way to kick up the proteins for this week though, meat department here I come.
So, tonight's dinner will be roast chicken which should help Bean with that protein, baked potato which should help with iron, potassium (skin on of course) and protein too. Also going to have some green beans so there you go Bean, momma's getting you building blocks :)
Ciao for now all~
marymontmama

YOU ARE GETTING SLEEEEEEPY....

When the books tell you that you will be tired in your first trimester that doesn't really sum it up. I feel like I have been drugged. I am so sleepy I keep checking to make sure my hubby isn't slipping Benadryl in my food.
And it's weird considering how hungry I have been for the past 3 weeks that I keep forgetting to eat. (which when you're building a baby is pretty important)
I feel like my To Do list keeps growing while my energy level keeps dropping.
My hub and I have often joked that out cat, Lulabelle, has "magic kitty napping powers" and when she lays on you to sleep, makes you have to nap too. Now we have determined we are getting a double whammy with, "magic kitty napping powers" and "bean napping powers" so we are cursed. The problem being we nap and then I can't sleep at night, I stay up doing job search or blogging, or playing Angry Birds.
I keep meaning to come up with a diet plan for myself but just don't feel like it at night usually. The problem is my hub is gone all night so I am up by myself (well and kitty and the bean) and feel weird puttering around (we have downstairs neighbors, so it isn't really the time to be cleaning etc either.)
I am however going to do some research and set up a plan for myself to make sure I am getting the bean enough nutrients (don't panic I am of course taking prenatal vitamins and DHA but they don't provide any protein, and not so much calcium so...)
I may post it once I am done. I find it so odd that there isn't a good app for this. You would think with all the smartphone apps out there today someone would have come up with one that is for prenatal nutrition tracking. Not that much harder than the ones for dieting just have to up the RDA. So, if you are reading this and you are programming savvy and want to make a ton of money; come up with a pregnancy nutrition smartphone app. (you could even have it recommend snacks that would get the user to their goal on items at the end of the day...ie need 3 more grams of protein and 15% calcium at the end of the day, recommend 3.5oz cheddar cheese cubed and cover both items.)
Anyway got to go do some research and set up this diet.
Ciao for now~
marymontmama
UPDATE:
Upon beginning my research I found that one of my fav nutrition tracking sites also has a Pregnancy nutrition site. Sparkpeople has "BabyFit" check it out at  http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com. Super excited!

What me worry?

Hmmmmm a mommy who quotes Alfred E. Neuman, not sure if that is going to be heartily appreciated...we shall see.
As someone who has never been a fan of sugar coating etc, I plan on being pretty straight forward on here, which may be hard for some people so just giving you a heads up.
Now, I can honestly say, that I am worried. With my age, and current health (or lack thereof) I kind of have cause for concern. The odds increase for miscarriage at my age, as do complications during labor. And by the time I am actually to term I will be 38 years old, much older than I anticipated for being a first time mommy.
I worry, that I am not going to do everything just right and will lose this wonderful gift. I worry that I will do everything just right and will still lose this wonderful gift.
How can you love something so much that is the size of a pea? My heart completely belongs to this Bean and it's isn't even done forming yet.
I am trying to just relax and enjoy the experience but can't help having nagging concerns.
In about 14 more weeks we can find out the sex of the Bean and can start using their real name.
So maybe I just need to look to the milestones and not worry about any potholes in the road ahead.
Let's see: next milestone..... During week 6 (the week Week By Week Pregnancy Calendar says I am in next week) Bean will start to develop their face *sigh* yeah, I can do this. :)

GUILT

Right, so I mentioned that I have a friend who had a hysterical pregnancy a little over a year ago, we have been commiserating about our struggles in fertility ever since. Now that I am pregnant I can't help but feel guilty about posting things on Facebook etc. I know what it feels like to want to block someone who you really care about from your Facebook feed because you just can't take all the baby talk anymore... So, why am I still posting knowing how it feels to think you are never going to get pregnant...
Because I am super excited and I know she will be too when she becomes pregnant. When you have tried and wished and hoped for something for so long, to actually have it come true isn't something you can contain. At least not for me. I want to tell perfect strangers, so of course I want to share it with everyone near and dear to me.
So, am I going to feel a little guilty every time I post something? Yup. Is it going to stop me from posting? Probably not.
I don't know if Bean will read this blog one day....who knows if anybody will; but if Bean is reading this someday in the very distant future, know how loved you are already; before you can even move, know how wanted you are and how happy you have made your parents. (to say nothing of how excited Grandma Bell is!)

The Bean

Alright, so (according to the lab tech I spoke with today) I am only 4 weeks pregnant. And so this is all still really new.
I am too excited about the coming baby to sleep, I am reading everything I can get my hands on about what is going on in there.
So AMAZING! I mean I took Biology, and Health class and all of that but there is so much they don't tell you. Like my wonderful little love is currently the size of; as one site put it a Mustard seed, I like that analogy best, faith the size of a mustard seed means nothing is impossible to you so, yeah my little love is a mustard seed.
The different resources vary in their examples and even vary drastically from time to time on what exactly happens when... but wait, if it's on the internet, it has to be true right? (I swear I read that somewhere...)
I will tell you one thing for sure from my experience thus far, I am dizzy and sleepy all the time, and can go from 0-nauseated in under 15seconds. Haven't actually thrown up yet but please don't tell "the bean" that, as I believe bean wants my experience to be as authentic as possible.
Anyway, I have a ton I want to write about but guess I should probably pace myself, after all, I have 8 more months of this right? (and then of course we all get to meet the Bean! and who knows what new wonders that will bring?)
Ciao for now.
marymontmama

Really?????

Okay, so let me start by saying I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom.
My wonderful husband James and I have been trying to get pregnant for 17 months, and at 37 years old I was beginning to give up hope.
So last weekend when my period still hadn't come (only 2 days late but that is very unusual for me) I was getting my hopes up. After 17 months of this getting my hopes up was a very dangerous thing; so many disappointments to this point. I could tell my hubby's hopes were up too however (he is usually better at keeping that in check than I am) but we picked out yarn for a blanket, together.
We decided that if I hadn't gotten my period by Friday night, I would take a test on Saturday morning.
Being late wasn't my only symptom mind you; I had had several bouts of dizziness, waves of nausea, the desire to eat EVERYTHING, and my breasts were so tender I had to wear a bra to bed. So... I was too anxious to take the test to actually sleep on Friday night. At 5:30AM I couldn't take the waiting any longer (neither could my bladder to be honest) so I went and took the test...faintly saw two lines....hmm better take the other one to be sure...as soon as the drops hit the specimen well two dark pink lines showed up in the other window.
I of course burst into tears.
I felt so shaky and excited and nervous and full of joy, I couldn't wait to go tell my husband (who works third shift as a security guard)
I took the world's fastest shower, I knew I probably wouldn't be able to speak when I saw my husband so I brought the positive tests along in an envelope and sped over to his worksite.
When I got there, I hopped out of the car and as soon as he came toward me I lost it, crying uncontrollably I handed him the envelope. He looked so worried then he looked inside and broke down too.
We were going to wait to tell anyone...until we were past the point of real concern over miscarriage, especially with my age, but that lasted all of approximately 12 hours. (we told my mother-in-law and brothers-in-law; my sister had guessed even before we told them.)
My hub announced it on Facebook on Monday night, and we finally had it verified at a clinic today. That was more relief than I thought it was going to be but, one of our friends had a hysterical pregnancy a year ago yesterday, and apparently we both had that subconscious concern.
So now, we are going to be parents; it looks like the due date is just before our 1year wedding anniversary.
And there are no words to express how grateful and joyful we both feel about that.
So yeah...now the baby gets a blog. :)